How to understand your Project Manager

One of my colleaques sent this funny email today about Project Managers Vocabulary :-)

Enjoy…..

This is how you should listen to your PM :-)………

LETS USE AGILE FOR THIS PROJECT

We are so scared to commit on deadlines and we have no experience in planning a project properly.

CLOSE PROJECT MONITORING
We know who to blame.

I WANT TO BE A PMP
Fastest way for me to look like a PM

I AM A PMP

Though I don’t know to write one line of code, I can sit damn 4 hours in one place

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
I just hired three kids fresh out of college.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hitech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule.. the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING

Me and my team is so surprised that the stupid thing works.

THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person in the team who understood the thing quit.

WEEKLY REPORT
I can get all of you responsible for unseen problems in this project.


IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

I WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! I have enough problems for now…

PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for the project screw up.

GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what I've already done.

GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this bull!

SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

RUGGED
The devise we manufactured is too damn heavy to lift!

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.

LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix problems and customer will have to pay for re-writing the whole applciation